She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
