Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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