Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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