I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
