I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
