I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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