I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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