Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
