So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
