You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
