A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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