honey bunches of taint.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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