My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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