you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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