I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
