dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
