I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
