It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
