she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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