Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
