Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
