I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
