dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
