There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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