You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
