you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize