VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Randomize
