Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We have started to decorate penises.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
