you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
