Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize