sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My ass is underappreciated
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
