so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
