Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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