Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Is Oprah even human
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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