Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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