You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
