Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
