My liver just broke up with me...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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