I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
