Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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