is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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