Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
