my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
