So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
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