Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
