What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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