im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
