sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
this hospital has no fireball
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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