I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
