the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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