First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
