I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
