just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
