Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
