The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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