You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
