The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
