I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
