I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
