Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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