At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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