Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize