she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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