we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
