There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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