I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
