Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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