Your dad touched me again.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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