did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
