he shaved USA in his pubs
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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