last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
