I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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