Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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