They should really pass out barf bags in church
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
