It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
