I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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