should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
