I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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