I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
